As many of you know, I used to suffer from very low testosterone. This is not uncommon for men my age, again, as many of you know. If you never suffered it, though, maybe there’s something you don’t know.
Life with low testosterone is essentially a permanent case of brain fog. It obscures not only your perception, but your ability to communicate with the outside world. This, friend, is why I am having to write this post.
When I went from very low testosterone to the high range, I outright deleted 200 of my videos. I am also always editing older posts and deleting the ones that couldn’t be saved. Today, though, I learned of a new problem.
The Curse of Knowledge
The Curse of Knowledge is a cognitive bias. Borrowing from this wiki, “The curse of knowledge is a cognitive bias that occurs when an individual, communicating with other individuals, unknowingly assumes that the others have the background to understand.”
Simply put, I did not know how bad things were out there.
I didn’t have an internet connection until 2013. Didn’t know what a blog was until later, even though I’d seen blogs before. I was behind the times. Before then, I’d been too busy working my ass off to worry about how misinformed most men are.
So when I wrote this post about choosing a woman who will get behind your mission, or this post about getting married and minimizing your potential future headaches, I didn’t realize how completely misinterpreted they would be.
There’s probably another cognitive bias for this, but since I don’t know its name, I’m calling it The Fantasy Fallacy.
The Fantasy Fallacy
I got the idea for the name of The Fantasy Fallacy from the NAXALT Fallacy. Image below, in case you’ve never heard of it.
Now, what of it? How does what I’m calling The Fantasy Fallacy figure into the NAXALT Fallacy? They’re basically joined at the hip.
The Fantasy Fallacy is the hopeless belief that BECAUSE you can name someone on the far end of the bell curve…
…if you just find the right super secret formula, you WILL be on the far end of the bell curve too…
…EVEN THOUGH you know the odds and acknowledge the center line in the image above exists.
If you just figured out the right formula, your fantasy (no matter how little reality supports it) will become reality.
It’s a very, very common fallacy. It is most common among intelligent traditionalists, since their entire belief system depends on it. I say INTELLIGENT traditionalists because the dumb ones don’t acknowledge that their odds are terrible. They are simply falling prey to the NAXALT Fallacy.
The Fantasy Fallacy is different in that the person suffering it knows how horrible their odds are, but because there are outliers they believe there must be a guaranteed method to become an outlier. This is basing your expectation of reality on your feelings instead of facts, which ironically is the same problem these folks have with their political and cultural opposites.
How The Fantasy Fallacy Ties Into What I Wrote
Someone suffering from The Fantasy Fallacy will search for, and cling to, absolutely ANYTHING that validates their beliefs. The only thing they will search harder for is something that disagrees with them, so they can spend the rest of the day upset about it. They will then complain to all the people they know who agree with them.
If someone else agrees (or writes something they think agrees) with their Fantasy and the existence of a super secret formula that guarantees it, they fall further into the fallacy. This keeps the entire cycle going, drifting further and further away from sanity.
Fun fact: I almost called this Ophelia’s Complex. I then realized few would draw the connection between:
- The insane character from Shakespeare’s Hamlet diving into the waters that killed her, and…
- …these poor souls suffering their own madness they will likely carry to their grave.
Now that I’ve acclimated to the environment of the internet while also elevating my testosterone over 346%, I realize how my writing was received. In realizing this, I also realized I was doing a disservice to these men I had intended my writing to be for.
Now that you’ve been brought up to speed, we can get to the reality check. If you’ve identified with anything I’ve been saying, then guess what? This post is for you.
Reality Check – The Fantasy Fallacy and You
I am about to lay down the single reason why you SHOULDN’T fall prey to The Fantasy Fallacy. I won’t lose sleep over the fact that you probably won’t change your ways just because I do this, though.
Chances are good you will just hate me for it, and I’m okay with that. I didn’t owe anyone this, and I usually just let people suffer the consequences of their actions, but now no one can say no one told them otherwise.
Are you ready for it? The one reason you should never, ever suffer The Fantasy Fallacy?
YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL.
Say it with me, it’s for your own good.
YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL.
Let it sink in for a moment before you continue. Note that I did not say you can’t be happy. I simply said that you can’t have it all.
There, doesn’t that feel a little better? Now, we’re going to continue into this reality check.
I’ll ease you into it, though. And I’ll even use an example you already know proves that you can’t have it all.
Example – Feminism Doesn’t Make Women Happy
Starting somewhere in the 1960’s (I’m fuzzy on the date, since my parents were toddlers) women (and men who wanted to make money on women) began making moves that would become the feminist movement.
A sex-positive trend and inversion of gender relations began. One part of this was demanding more women in the workplace in positions men normally filled. They wanted to have it all, though, and this was not enough.
These women, and their grumbling husbands, had and raised children. Soon, a new generation of women came of age and looked at their situation. This generation wanted the best of both worlds – more on this has already been said and I’ll save myself the time in writing on it.
During this time, the movers and shakers of America did what they do best. They saw a trend and capitalized on it. Hell, they’re still capitalizing on it. Their primary method of capitalizing on was (and is) pushing the idea of “YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL…IF YOU BUY THIS.”
Telling women they need their masters in gender studies. They need to watch their reality TV and live-tweet it on their $1000 cell phone. Wear ridiculously expensive “luxury office wear” so they have a shot of getting into “the boys club”. They will never have to compromise…as long as they buy more shit and vote for certain people.
Now we come to more recent times, where the women who wanted the best of both worlds started getting older and realized things weren’t working out. They found out the hard way that they can’t have it all. Upon realizing this, what did they do?
Did they step back from the situation and compare what they were told to want with what they actually want? Did they cut their losses? Scramble to achieve what semblance of a happy, free life they could have in their remaining years of life?
Did they accept the reality that they could not have it all?
NO! Of course not. They’re too deep in The Fantasy Fallacy to return to sanity’s shore now! Now they have to double down on everything they’re doing that’s causing the dissonance disrupting their life.
They refuse to believe they can’t have it all, but again, others have already said more about this.
Then they raised their kids to believe the same horse shit, and now you’re going on blogs trying to figure out how to find their opposite. And here’s the most ironic part of it all…You may have the same exact problem as them and not even realize it.
The Fantasy Fallacy and Choosing The Right Woman
When I wrote “How To Choose The Right Woman” I did not have the men with The Fallacy Fantasy in mind.
They assumed that what I meant was “How To Choose The Woman Who You Might Marry Eventually, Who Will Never Ever Leave You And Hurt Your Widdle Feewings”.
The focus of the post was on identifying a woman you can bring into your home, possibly financially support, who will in turn free up the energy you’ve been directing to every day tasks. Cooking, cleaning, that sort of thing. Of course you’d have a relationship with her, because otherwise you could just hire a maid and save both time and money.
So if you remove all the fluff and bullshit, you’re bringing a woman into your home to free up your time and save you the trouble of leaving home for sex.
“Right Woman” doesn’t mean Wife or Fiance or even Girlfriend. “Right Woman” means Woman you can live with, possibly financially support, definitely have sex with, and definitely rely upon for every day chores.
Being that this is what most people’s concept of a 1950’s housewife is, I can understand how men who are desperate to “Play House” could get that twisted. Once again, my fault for not clearly stating what I meant up front.
Now, in case you’re confused as to why you’d want a woman like this around, I will explain as simply as possible.
You waste the vast majority of your free time. Some of the things you do that are a waste of time are necessary, some are not. Whether they’re necessary or not, you do them.
If you have a mission, something you want to build, whatever, it’s going to take a lot of your time. You drop the things that aren’t necessary, and you still have very little time to hustle.
Wouldn’t it be great to have someone to do them for you? It’d be even better if you could get someone you wanted to have sex with to do them. Then you could save the time you’re currently spending looking for sex AND the time you’re spending doing necessary but time wasting things.
There you go. That’s the problem, and the solution is further above. Now, this is a niche problem. I did not expect it to be one of my most popular posts. It was only popular because of the Fantasy Fallacy Fellas.
The Niche This Post Was For
Choosing the right woman to live in your home, eat your food, fuck when you feel like it, and free up your time so you can hustle is a very specific niche issue.
Here’s the rundown of criteria:
- Men who have already had a sufficient amount of sex to be able to figure out what they actually want in a woman.
- Men who are socially capable of testing several women for this role (you’re choosing, not settling).
- Having met both above criteria, these men would then be able to commit resources to what I call the Trial By Fire in the post. This is both a Time and Money cost.
- Men who have the balls to break it off as soon as anything goes wrong and won’t let their feelings guide them.
- Men who are able to say “Working on XYZ is more important to me right now than having variety in my sex life”.
- Finally, in case it wasn’t obvious by the first 5 points, Men who DO NOT expect this period of their life to last very long.
If you’re a Fantasy Fallacy Fella, you might still not understand point 6. The woman you’re choosing to support you and your mission isn’t even really your girlfriend. You’re not doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. I don’t expect you to have figured that out, because again, I didn’t say it up front.
If you’re spending the majority of your time working your ass off, and she’s spending hers doing your chores and having sex, one of three things is going to happen.
- You build whatever it was you were building and she doesn’t need to be in that role anymore. You’ll adjust your relationship accordingly or terminate it.
- She gets bored, or fed up, and opts out. What, you’re going to object to this? Without her CONSENT (another thing I mistakenly took for granted as obvious) none of this works.
- You get bored, or she does something that makes you not want her around, and you opt out. If this happens, you’ll have your hands full getting her to leave. It IS a pretty sweet deal she’s got, and this is an even more rare niche problem.
Nothing about this situation is permanent, and it shouldn’t be permanent. You can only spend so long working at that level before it becomes unsustainable. But, again, most can’t relate to this because it is a very small niche of men who will need such a situation in the first place.
And once again, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. 2010’s Unmarried American woman is not going to indefinitely live in the situation of Married 1950’s with only a few of the benefits. What’s more, the vast majority of men (especially Fantasy Fallacy Fellas) will never be able to create that situation to begin with.
Remember, SHE thinks she can have it all just like you do. It will have never occurred to most of these Fantasy Fallacy Fellas that her definition of “having it all” is not the same as theirs.
That’s reality, not fantasy. Ain’t as nice of a picture, is it? Just wait, it gets uglier with the marriage post.
The Fantasy Fallacy and Getting Married
I wrote a post, stupidly titled I now realize, called How To Get Married Without Getting Murdered.
Surprise, surprise, people misunderstood what I meant by the “Without Getting Murdered” part. “Getting Murdered” in this context does not mean any of the following:
- How To Get Married Without Wifey Leaving You and Breaking Your Itty Biddy Widdle Heart
- How To Get Married Without Wifey Leaving You and Taking Most of Your Shit
- …and Taking Most of Your Money
- …and Taking Robbing You of Your Very World View
Because guess what? Odds are good that all of the above is going to happen to you eventually. I could throw around divorce rate numbers, but (you guessed it) others have already done that and saved me the time.
The “Without Getting Murdered” part of that actually means “Without Facing The True Worst Consequence of Divorce”. And what is the true worst consequence of divorce?
Missing your children’s childhood.
You can find another woman, you can even marry her if you didn’t learn your lesson the first time. You can make more money and buy the same shit you used to have.
The only thing you will really lose in that divorce that can not be replaced is the precious time of your children’s lives that they suffered through without their Dad.
“But what if I got married and didn’t have or want kids?”
Then in my opinion, you got married for a stupid reason. Whatever your reason for getting married was. I go to great lengths in that post to say that the only purpose I see in marriage for a man today is in raising children.
Even then, the only reason to get married to a woman you want to have kids with is if that’s part of your vision for your children. They didn’t ask to be born, they were born due to your decision to have them or lack of decision not to have them, ergo you owe them a good childhood.
The proper title of the post should’ve been, “How to Get Married and Minimize The Chances Your Wife Will Take Your Children Away One Day”. That wouldn’t be good SEO, though. And what’s more, Fantasy Fallacy Fellas don’t believe it will ever happen to them anyway.
Reality Check – In Conclusion
Reality will apply to you. You might have a good run, you might avoid it for a while, but eventually reality will catch up to you. There is no escaping it.
Not only does the existence of outliers NOT disprove the fact that the average is the average, but there is no guaranteed formula for becoming an outlier. Sure, you could get lucky, but you will always be sleeping with one eye open.
The essence of The Fantasy Fallacy is that there is no avoiding reality.
Don’t believe me? Ask an old, miserable feminist with two cats per missed prospect. Ask anyone with a bankruptcy from the housing market crash who naively believed that they would be the one guy who timed things just right.
I could go on…and on…and on…but I think you get the idea.
Base your decisions in reality, alter your circumstances to get what you want out of life, and don’t bank on being the one guy whose luck held out.