Let’s get the definition of basic bitch out of the way. For my purposes, a basic bitch is:
You get the picture. Note that this isn’t a male-female thing. “Basic bitch” is one of the few cases where I believe in gender neutrality.
It just so happens that the gun community is absolutely filled with basic bitches. This is unfortunate, and I want to give you guys a way to identify them so you can avoid them.
“Why should I avoid basic bitch gun nuts, Lloyd?”
Because stupid is contagious, and basic is pretty close to stupid. Better safe than sorry.
Since I know someone is going to get it twisted, I’m not saying all gun nuts are basic bitches. If I thought that, there wouldn’t be much point in making a list. I estimate the ratio is 70:30.
For your reference, I’ve made a list of ten habits of basic bitch gun nuts. Feel free to comment in below if you think I missed something.
I. Basic bitch gun nuts believe their preference is the only thing that works.
It doesn’t matter what that preference is. It could be something common, like a Glock or 1911, or it could be something as obscure as a Chiappa Rhino.
They worship at the holy altar of some firearm, and everyone else is a blaspheming heretic. If you don’t agree with them, you’re either stupid or evil. Either way, you’re wrong.
It infuriates basic gun nuts when they are confronted with the fact that, somewhere out there, another gun owner is carrying something else.
What infuriates them more is the fact that the something else also works, and it works just as well as their preference.
II. Basic bitch gun nuts are obsessed with “research”.
“Research” doesn’t actually mean “research”. It means “reading about guns”. There’s nothing wrong with reading about guns, but it sure as hell isn’t research.
“Research” implies a systematic approach to learning something new to add to the collective body of knowledge. Exactly what is the basic gun nut going to discover on Google?
Ammunition has been more or less the same since we transitioned to percussion ignition in the 1830s.
Single action revolvers haven’t changed much since 1873, Double action revolvers haven’t changed much since 1899, and Semi-automatics haven’t changed much since 1910.
“Research” is useless, even if it were real. The correct action for an individual to take if they know nothing about guns is to get experience under the guidance of someone who does.
III. Basic bitch gun nuts are obsessed with caliber.
What’s better for self defense, a 9mm or a .45? Is 12 gauge better than 20 gauge? Is a .308 a better rifle than a .30-06?
These are basic questions from basic people. There’s only one consideration you should make regarding the chambering of your weapon:
“Was this cartridge designed to do what I want to do with it? If not, is it close?”
For example, the .30-06 wasn’t designed to kill deer. It was designed to kill something about the same size as a deer, though, so it does just fine.
If your rifle, shotgun, or handgun is chambered for a round that was designed to do what you want, why are you nitpicking?
Easy answer: you don’t, unless you’re basic.
IV. Basic bitch gun nuts are obsessed with energy figures.
Note I didn’t say “…obsessed with the energy of their cartridge.”
They’re obsessed with numbers written on a piece of paper or the back of a box. You know who else is obsessed with what’s written on the back of a box? Toddlers.
If you’re a grown ass man, don’t act like a toddler.
V. Basic bitch gun nuts are obsessed with velocity figures.
VI. Basic bitch gun nuts believe in brands.
This strikes back to the first item on this list. Basic gun nuts believe in brands, which is why they believe their preference is all that works.
Basic gun nuts believe in brands, meaning they take marketing as fact. They hear a slogan like, for example, “Glock Perfection” and accept it as fact.
I love Glock handguns, and own several. They’ll malfunction just like any other semi-automatic handgun. Marketing is marketing and a slogan is a slogan.
The only thing you should care about when it comes to a firearm company is the details of the designs they manufacture.
For example, Glocks run better with less maintenance than most other handguns. They’re simple guns and they work. This isn’t something I “learned” from a slogan, its something I’ve learned about the design over time.
Brands don’t matter, marketing doesn’t matter, but designs do.
VII. Basic bitch gun nuts base their opinions on fiction.
Television, movies, and video games affect people’s opinions on guns. This is unfortunate, because none of these fictional sources give you a realistic view on firearms.
Let me be clear:
IF YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF FIREARMS COMES FROM FICTION, DO NOT BUY A GUN.
You need a realistic view on firearms. Befriend someone who isn’t a basic bitch gun nut and get them to show you the ropes. Better yet, take a safety course and a concealed carry permit class.
VIII. Basic bitch gun nuts base their opinions on anecdotes.
“I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a guy, whose third cousin’s best friend fired a (insert gun brand here) and it blew up in his hand!”
Yeah? I wanna meet the guy, see how much of his hand and face was removed in the reconstructive surgery.
When someone gives you an anecdote about a firearm brand, either completely disregard it or ask for proof. You might think this is ridiculous. It isn’t.
Basing your opinion on your gun that you carry for your protection on someone else’s anecdotes is one of the worst things you can do. If you’re not basic, this is obvious.
As they say, “Your mileage may vary.”
IX. Basic bitch gun nuts play pretend.
You know the type.
Tactical pants. $300 combat boots. Full size service pistol with a retention holster and three spare magazines.
Basic bitch gun nuts go to the grocery store carrying more shit than professional door kickers. There’s just one problem: you can carry all the same shit as a professional, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A PROFESSIONAL.
If you’re not basic, this is obvious. You understand that there’s no point in going about your daily life decked out like you’re about to raid a crack house.
On a smaller scale, most people who carry a gun do this. We misrepresent our need for a gun. This isn’t that bad until you take it too far, and this is going to be different from person to person.
It’s one thing to have a load-out like this prepped if you actually are (or were) a professional door kicker, and it’s another thing entirely if you’re just a basic gun nut.
X. Basic bitch gun nuts believe people who sell guns.
Disclaimer: not everyone who sells guns is a bad person. With that out of the way, let me tell you what a gun seller’s priorities are.
- MAKING MONEY SELLING GUNS.
- SEE #1.
Nowhere on that short list is your skill level, your stature, or your personal well being. This is because your safety is not a gun seller’s problem.
With that in mind, why would you ever listen to their recommendations?
Question: How many times has a small statured woman gone to a gun store seeking a tool for effective personal protection and walked away with a gun she’ll never be accurate with?
Answer: Too many to count.
The person I’m describing isn’t a gun nut, not even a basic one, but they may become one. What’s more, they might become the owner of many firearms they’ll never shoot.
In other words, they’re wasting money on a gun they don’t need. This is very, very common.
I’d bet that this is how many basic bitch gun nuts are set down the path of low consciousness firearm ownership.
Ten Signs a Gun Nut is a Basic Bitch
They believe their preference is the only thing that works.
They are obsessed with “research”.
Caliber concerns are something they actually struggle with.
They over-value energy figures.
They over-value velocity figures.
Brands of guns actually have weight in their world.
Their opinions are based on fiction.
Their opinions are based on anecdotes.
They play pretend.
They believe people who sell guns.
These are just the first ten things that came to mind. There are many, many more tells that a gun nut is a basic bitch.