I decided to have this discussion after someone said something to me on YouTube. The gist of it was, sometimes I wear my wedding ring and sometimes I don’t.
The schmuck assumed I was trying to hide the fact that I’m married. No, I openly talk about it and recommend that IF you get married, you do it right.
Let’s get this out of the way…
The only reason I wear my wedding ring at all is because it was my grandfather’s.
I’ve never felt compelled to wear it for any other reason. I wouldn’t be married to the kind of woman that insists I wear my wedding ring. My wife would never dream of demanding I wear it or demanding anything else of me.
That’s because I didn’t fuck up and marry the wrong woman like most men. Oh, and speaking of my grandfather…
He’s alive, and he doesn’t wear his wedding ring. Not because I have it, but because he’s a real man.
The truth is, I don’t make a big deal about wearing my ring. Sometimes I wear it, sometimes I don’t. When I’m sentimental, it’s my grandfather’s ring. When I’m not, its just a band of white gold attached to my key ring.
I don’t presume to know what people think, but I can draw a couple of conclusions.
Men who make a big deal about wedding rings fall into one of these categories:
- Guys who think (or hope) their woman owns them.
- Guys who think (or hope) their woman’s wedding ring keeps other men uninterested in her.
- People who over-value marriage as an idea.
- People who over-value signalling the fact that they’re married.
- Losers who over-value signalling their marriage is “doing okay”.
We’re going to address these categories of men one at a time. We’re only looking at men in this article because I’m a man and that’s my perspective. With that said, a lot of this applies to women too.
The funny thing is, if a woman doesn’t wear her wedding ring she’s considered edgy and empowered. If a man doesn’t wear his wedding ring, he must be scum.
(That’s bullshit, in case you were wondering.)
Guys who think their wedding ring means their woman owns them
The tone of that sentence should tell you I think this is ridiculous.
Some guys actually think their wife owns them because they’re married. He’s not John anymore, he’s Mr. Jane. It’s like the men who take their wife’s last name and dishonor their entire bloodline.
If you’re one of these guys, I’ve got news for you: the very fact you believe this means she’s had your balls on her mantle long before you were married. Mission accomplished, she owns you.
The ring is irrelevant.
If you’re the kind of guy that thinks this is a good thing, click away from Business and Bullets. I don’t want you here.
I shouldn’t have to explain to you that being your wife’s whipping boy isn’t a good thing, so I won’t waste my time. You’re a lost cause.
Guys who think their woman’s wedding ring keeps other men uninterested in her
If you think your wife owns you, you probably also hope that feeling is mutual. Chances are, it’s not. I don’t care what she tells you.
Even if you don’t feel like she owns you, you might hope that her wearing her wedding ring tells other men you own her.
Sour news, Jack. That ring doesn’t mean shit to them. Some men actually have a fetish of fucking another guy’s girl.
I don’t have that fetish, but one of my friends does. Some guys have the swagger to be the male version of a homewrecker, but that’s not the only kind of guy who would fuck your wife.
Allow me to pass on the sage advice on cheating I received at the tender age of 16 from my uncle.
“If she don’t give it, then they can’t hit it. But once she’s givin’ it, they can’t miss it.” – My Wise Uncle
If your wife wants to get fucked by another man, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. You’re not going to stop it from happening. That wedding ring damn sure isn’t.
Better luck next time on the divorced dating market – I’m sure you’ll find a nice lady who thought her man’s ring would magically keep his dick in his pants.
People who over-value marriage as an idea
Oh, boy. I’m going to have to go deep into your programming on this one.
If you have some grand, idealized concept of marriage then you’re just plain wrong. Marriage isn’t a religion thing or a morality thing or anything like that.
Marriage is a binding legal agreement. It has more in common with a business arrangement than a holy pact.
If your marriage was between you, your woman, and your god then the government wouldn’t be involved. If you don’t get that marriage license, your marriage isn’t considered valid.
Instead of treating your marriage like some grand gesture of love and faith, treat it like what it is. Marriage is a business partnership to lower your joined cost of living and child rearing.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
If you don’t love each other, you won’t stay together. I love my wife. But as I’ve stated before, love is required but it isn’t enough. Not by a long shot.
We have a certain understanding and expectations of each other, just like every other married couple. Except we’re honest about it. If we weren’t, we would’ve entered our marriage under more common circumstances and for more common reasons.
Entering your marriage for the common reasons (love, religion, social pressure) usually means marrying the wrong woman for the wrong reasons.
If you marry the wrong woman, or if you’re not the right kind of man, you will have a very common marriage that will end badly. That’s the common outcome.
People who over-value signalling the fact that they’re married
Do I really need to explain to you why you shouldn’t put much significance on signalling you’re married?
Don’t act like a used-up, middle aged housewife. You’re a man, so act like one.
When we’re young, our peers generally look down on us if we’re married. Our peers want us to be “one of the guys”.
Guys that are usually headed absolutely nowhere and will be burned-out misfits in 20 years.
When we’re older, our peers look down on us if we’re not married. Exactly how far would you expect a man who is single to make it in politics, or any other job in the public eye?
Never you mind that our peers are usually their wife’s miserable whipping boy. Property of a woman who will probably leave with half their possessions and all their dignity.
In case I haven’t been perfectly clear:
IT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS WHETHER YOU ARE MARRIED OR NOT.
The only exception is in a situation where being married has clear monetary benefit. An example is a guy with a career in the military, who will be paid more than his single counterpart.
Losers who over-value signalling their marriage is “doing okay”
We all know people like this. They usually also signal on social media that their marriage is sooooo great.
It’s always painfully obvious that their relationship is in the toilet.
Sometimes they don’t even know it. Everyone else does, though.
Whenever you see someone going on and on and on about their wife/girlfriend/whatever, you can be sure that their relationship’s days are numbered.
Signalling your marriage is “doing okay” by wearing your wedding ring solely for that purpose is about as effective as signalling your marriage is “doing okay” on social media.
It doesn’t work, so don’t do it.
What’s more, you’re showing that you’re less concerned with the actual state of your marriage than you are with what everyone else thinks.
I’ll make sure I’m being perfectly clear:
THE STATE OF YOUR MARRIAGE IS NO ONE’S BUSINESS BUT YOUR OWN.
Not only does everyone else not care, you’re actually signalling the opposite of what you want us to believe.
There actually are four good reasons (among many others) to wear your wedding ring:
- It belonged to a loved family member and has sentimental value.
- It’s a damn nice ring, of high quality, and it complements your aesthetic.
- You’re a man, damn it. You can wear or not wear whatever you want.
- All of the above.
There are also four good reasons (among many others) NOT to wear your wedding ring:
- You’re lifting weights and the ring pinches your hand when you lift.
- You work under houses and don’t want to lose your wedding ring.
- You work with gloves on and it’s hard to fit into a glove with a ring on.
- You’re a man who does manly things and you need to use your hands.
The reason my grandfather hasn’t worn his wedding ring in thirty years is because he used to own a wrecker service with his brother.
One day, they lifted a car and he caught his ring in the works of his wrecker. He was lifted up into the air by his ring finger and they cut the ring off to prevent his finger from being torn off.
He had his wedding ring put back together, but he never wore another ring ever again. It now lives on my key ring and vacations on my ring finger.
Don’t let some asshole guilt you for taking off your wedding ring. They wouldn’t understand that you’re a man and you have to do something productive with your hands.
Has someone ever given you a hard time for taking off your wedding ring?
Post a comment below and tell me about it.